Yaaah💃💃💃💃!
Its another episode of marriage talk on Female Guide and today I will be discussing Reality of Marriage as Oppose Fantasy!
Get your 📝 and chilled Juice….
A fantasy is an idea with no basis in reality and is basically your imagination unrestricted by reality. Reality is the state of things as they exist. It’s what you see, hear, and experience.
The media and even well-meaning loved ones can present us with a mix of the above myths. What it comes down to is our ability to stay true to ourselves and our relationships. What realities have you come to terms with? What myths have you heard? How are you making your relationships healthier?
We have numerous fantasies that has been killing our marriages and the earlier we stop same the better and healthier for us. Herein are some fantasies:
1. He/She doesn’t appreciate me. If you love me, you should know what I want; yes you are right we all have various love signs: some like attention while some likes gift etc if you notice your spouse is not doing what you like say it repeatedly and stop assuming he or she should know. Stop believing in those fake things you see on social media.. It may interest you to know that some couples organised birthday by themselves and tagged it “Surprised Birthday by my husband”.
2. Never go to bed angry. The less arguments you have, the healthier the relationship: I love my husband and we argue, we quarrel, yes we do and it does not stop us from loving each other, rather we bond well each time we have argument cause it’s a means of knowing each other well. First up, anger isn’t a ‘ bad’ emotion. Some view anger as an emotion which triggers part of the fight or flight response.
It can actually help you to be honest or to stand up for something you believe in.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling angry. What matters is how you cope with and express your anger.
Some people find that they can resolve these issues without seeking professional assistance, If your anger is getting out of control, consider seeing a mental health professional.
3. You can’t have it all.” One will be sacrificed — your family or your career.
For starters, I think it isn’t just about maintaining a “balance” between career and marriage, it’s about maintaining “a healthy balance” between the two. The reason for this is you might not be able to main a perfect balance no matter how hard you try. From what I’ve seen around, ladies especially tend to let go of one for the other. A lot of us tend to lose ourselves in marriage as if that’s our sole reason for existence in life and forget all the other things we desire to achieve in life, e.g career (either professional or entrepreneurial) once we get married. On the flip side too, a lot of us are also guilty of losing ourselves in our career world so much that we forget family, the importance of being there for our loved ones and our responsibilities to these people.
Notwithstanding the above, it is also a fact that at one point you might have to sacrifice one for the other. My opinion however is that you should not automatically make the sacrifice or choose one over the other until you have explored all available options and they seem not to be working.
Allow me to be direct and straight to the point, maintaining a healthy balance between career and marriage requires hard work and you must be willing to put in your all to achieve this balance.
First, let me address the ladies that are yet to make the marriage commitment, may God bless you with kind and loving spouses. You all should know that there are conversations you need to have with your intending spouse before you get married. You might need to have straight conversations around finance, sex & sexuality, values & ideals, career etc.
Please do not assume that your partner would readily support you in all your endeavours. While some will readily support you through everything and even celebrate your wins with you, the reality is (from what I’ve seen over the years with other people), marriage come with unpleasant surprises sometimes, so I would suggest you don’t just leave things to chance.
For the married women geng struggling to maintain a balance, don’t worry your head, that’s the reality for most of us😁. No one has the blueprint for these things, we are all just coping through and trying to figure out what works.
4. He/She will change after we get married. He/She will change after we have the baby. True, meaningful change comes from the inside and is intrinsically motivate. Change is instantaneous. Personal change within yourself or within a relationship takes time and intentional, applied effort. It takes a large dose of self-awareness, acceptance, and then willingness to take steps towards change. If you desire change in another person for their personal growth and your relationship, it should be a conversation or a step far in advance of marriage or a child. A marriage or a child used as a catalyst for change will only complicate things.
5. True love is all about passion. Opposites attract. Sex/Attraction is everything.
A healthy relationship absolutely has a fire at the heart of it but it also requires practicality. There should be a degree of “this feels like home.” Two people may have great chemistry but, if there is a lack of substance or trust, opposing values, differing views on the future, or poor communication, love or sex won’t “fix it.” It will come down to the effort of both parties. It may be helpful to consider what the common connections are within the relationship — do they all rely on physical attraction or even everyday, fun activities? Are you able to have deep conversations? If there is little to no mental or emotional connection, then maybe that’s where the problems lies.
Marriage is funny, cause it’s a usually a man for himself. Take your struggle and fight the battle your own way. These are just common fantasy happening around me that I see that there is need to addresse them.
I’d love to hear your marriage fantasy, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment section below.
Thanks for always reading 💞
Female Guide 